she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bit a glass in half.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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