hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
