I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
