We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
