i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
