yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
