Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
