I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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