If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
