you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
