My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
