Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
