I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
