i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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