My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
