we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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