Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
