Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
