GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's like heaven, but drunker
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
