maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
