Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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