Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
