"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
