I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
