your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
