life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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