So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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