we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
