mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
