He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
