One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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