well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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