OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
