So drunk its hurt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
