I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
