were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
