what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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