We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
