this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
