True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
