My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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