just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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