Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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