I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
