I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
