i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
