i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
