dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
