Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
