I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
