shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
