Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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