what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
