My hand turned me down
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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